Susan Fraser

We at In the Light Urns are reflecting on our friends and family, those that are with us and those who have passed. While thanksgiving is a special time for all of us to be thankful for those in our lives, those who are gone, who hold a special place in our heart and minds at our table. That table holds memories of holidays past, that we have spent together. Starting as children we are young and our experiences may not have included losing those we love, but as we grow older we find year after year those we love, young and old have taken their place in the history of life, and have moved on. While this life cycle has brought us pain at the time of our loss, we often find comfort in the fact that life continues to bring us new ones to love, children, grand-children, friends and many more. The cycle of life is a wonderful thing to contemplate and to feel comforted by in our life. Knowing that a purpose and plan is in place, can help us to accept grief and gain an

Reflect, Respect, and Remember Veteran's Day

The smoke had finally cleared. After four years of bloody battle, all was quiet on the Western front. The war that claimed the lives of 16 million people all over the world had come to an unofficial end. Veteran's Day, marked initially as Armistice Day, became a United States holiday designed to honor the sacrifice of military veterans, living and dead. Every year on Nov. 11, Americans take an opportunity to remember those who have fought in wars here and abroad. They honor those still alive, as well as those who paid the ultimate sacrifice.

When someone we love is dying, there are many tasks involved.  The day –to- day details of caregiving, food preparation, and daily chores take up most of the day.  It can be overwhelming.  The most important of all activities is, of course, spending precious time with our loved one. Even when we carve out that quality time to sit at the bedside, hold a hand or do a simple activity, we can often feel at a loss for meaningful conversation. 

It can be scary to talk about things of ordinary living when you know the person dying won’t experience them again.  It is nice to think that we could revisit the joys and pleasures of our shared life together, but that is easier said than done.  Such simple talk can bring up the deep emotion of grief, and the grief of losses that we have experienced over a lifetime. Every person has their own way of dealing with things in life.  That doesn't change when someone is dying. 

It isn't always possible

Scattering ashes on the sea has become a much more popular method of burial.  It’s not just that it is much less expensive.  Traditional values that used to require a land burial are changing.  In times past, most families would live in the same area where they were born for their whole life. 

Generations were buried in the same cemetery, often in a family plot.  It was common to visit the graves of their family members on a regular basis. In the 21st century, things have changed tremendously.  Today, in much of the country, it is unusual for a family group to live in the same location as their parents.  The current generation is much more fluid.  A family may live in several different areas in their lifetime - nowhere near the graves of their loved ones.  Ties to land burial are not nearly as strong as before.